Well, my tongue and brain have disengaged again.

I seem to have this incredible knack for swapping certain words at the most inopportune times. One in particular has become my nemesis. Interestingly, I only do so when I’m speaking in public and when I really don’t want to make that particular faux pas.

The problem words? “Prostrate” and “prostate.”

Who ever came up with two words like that? The only difference is a little “r” but there is a very big difference in meaning. How’s a brain supposed to keep that straight?

Yesterday I proclaim: “He fell on the ground prostate!”

That leaves open a wide variety of interpretations, doesn’t it. Did he fall on the ground because of his prostate? Did he fall on the ground on top of his prostate? Why would your prostate have anything to do with falling on the ground anyway?

In my head, at the moment I spoke it, there was a plethora of interesting activity going on. You could see the assembly line of words being set up by the little workers: “Ok, attention everyone! He’s going to make a point about reverence; make sure the hoppers are full of appropriate words to string together. Get ready, here it comes… No Henry! He’s not talking about a medical issue! For crying out loud, switch those bins, quickly! Hurry, hurry… too late! Insert the “r” word and inform control central of the failure so he can compensate.”

My brain informs me that it is momentarily confused, much like a GPS unit that hangs right at the moment you have to take a critical turn. We’re on top of the intersection and the brain unit has gone silent, so, out comes the “r” word. Then the brain comes back online and shouts, “Wrong word!”

I have a choice at that moment. I can call attention to my communication failure or I can pretend that no one heard it.

I always choose the latter. Always.

I’m also hoping that there is a brain software upgrade on the horizon.